My mum is the patient and soft-spoken one. Even when she is super upset, she calmly approaches the situation and oftentimes, she nails it! I secretly admire her for this because I am her exact opposite.
Now that I am in Australia and mum is in Manila. We would catch up through Facetime and she will share with me all what has been going on with everyone we know. Recently, her mum who lives with my aunt 3 hours away from my place asked her to deal with legal and financial matters. Which is normal as grandma is 92 years old already. Unfortunately, it is not a walk in the park as my mum had to deal with characters that somehow replicate the Stepsisters of Cinderella trapped in the bodies of her 2 sisters.
My history with these aunts is not Hallmark moment worthy. I grew up being scrutinised and judged on every life decision I make. Somehow they have some hidden grudge against me. When I first meet them in Bruha Aunt 1’s house, Bruha Aunt 2’s welcome salvo to me was… ” oh finally you made it here in Australia, your mum lost her chance when I gave it to her because she chose to be engaged to your dad”
Ladies and gentlemen, that is the way to welcome your niece to a family lunch. I snapped back at her and said, “well, a wise decision my mum made, because, I was born and I was raised by her and my dad well enough to have a happy life.”—- hidden Bruha activated.
Her white hubby hushed her and said to let the topic rest and it is not a good way to start a conversation. My husband luckily was busy chatting with the rest of my relatives and was spared from the banter of the Bruhas.
When my Grandma was diagnosed with tongue and mouth cancer last year. The Bruhas wanted me to so my mum to be a temp caregiver for grandma. Because Bruha 1 lives on the South Coast and Bruha 2 has a job. So, mum came last year and became a carer for gran s she recovered from surgery and accompanied her for the 9-week radio therapy. Did theBruhas treat her well? If allowing my mum to visit visit me 4 times in 3 months is a normal thing well, I shall save my comments on judgement day.
Skip to recent events where my mum would have to take time off from her work and process the documents for the bank in Manila and pay the post to be sent over to Bruha Palace. So they basically need to have gran sign and send back and provide evidence that my 92 yo gran is alive. It would take them weeks to comply and have my mum wait in vain deal with their sarcasm, rudeness on messenger and seen zone moments. I am keeping my inner Bruha sleeping and waiting for the click to kick in. However, I passively drop hints on my mum to speak.up and say something to the Bully Bruha.Sisters she has. I am the tiny spoon of salt that rubs to the small wound.
Alas, the day finally came! My mum’s inner dragon has arrived! This morning in our usual Facetime session. She interrupted my dad and told him that she has a news for me. Oooooh… Aggressive! Dad stepped out and went into his morning cycle and mum told me the news that Bruha Aunt went ballistic on her. Why? Apparently, the Bank wanted additional information. The birthdate of Bruha Aunt 1 and 2. ( manila banks are full.of red tape)
So the Bruha aunt screamed at her saying she doesn’t have this information!!! Seriously??? What the flying F”@&? You dont know your freakkkking birthday and gone crazy on my mum?? Who had to do and deal with all the shitty stuff you B@&$)” are too lazy or uninterested to do anyway and just appear when the storm had passed or when they know it will fill their purses up.
So I became the heaping spoon of salt and told mum that screw them and I will help her with gran. It took me 3 phone calls because gran had to check her documents for her deceased parents birthdates. Also, I looked at my old documents and found the birthdates of the 2 Bruhas. Done in half an hour. No dramas, no need to deal with the monstrous attitude of the Bruhas. Called my mum back and then before the business day had ended . The bank called my mum to say all is settled.
I called grandma to relay the message and she was happy. I have anti Bruha powers . Because I can be one too but , I chose not to be. There is no need and I somehow think of them as my relatives at least. But maybe I will just keep my distance. Less talk, less mistakes.
Sometimes, I think about what is the root of their unpleasantness towards us ? Is it because we did not fit in when it comes to money matters? Should there be standards on whom you should like as your family? I am not perfect but I respect my elderly and other relatives. I have 3 uncles back home who were never married and are a bit on the low social status. One had passed away due to illness and the 2 are struggling with loneliness and old age. But I do speak to them politely even if they may look unpleasant sometimes. They can be annoying because they like to ask of I have extra money for a cig or so but I just tell them kindly that “sorry uncle, not today.” And then we talk about something else and when it is time for them to leave, my mum would send them some food and toiletries to live a dignified life even if they are alone.
Meanwhile, My Bruha aunts will attack them endlessly whenever there are reunions . Yes, they send help but when they are back here in Australia, they will talk and say how miserable their brothers are and they deserve it because they were foolish and careless when they were younger. Unlike them who studied , and left the motherland for and have a better life over here.
I am not spared too, they always rub in me that I should be working again to earn more money. Buy a house! Get 2 cars! Look at your cousins, they work and have children too. Well, me being an SAHM is a decision I made with my husband and it is because He CAN support us too. We rent a house and have one car and there is nothing wrong with that right?
In few weeks will be Christmas. And it will be equivalent to parties and get togethers. But I have already told my aunts that My family preferred to celebrate on our own this year. It may sound rude to some but I prefer to celebrate with my true family.